I've been a little absent from the blogging world lately, both in posting and in reading. Life outside the internet has been busy, in a good way. I need time away from virtual reality every once in a while, though lately I think I might have gotten too much-- I feel like I haven't posted in forever and a day. Part of the reason for that has been some major ambivalence about this whole wedding planning process.
I've said before that I have a tendency to let other people affect my decisions, out of fear of disappointing them. Because of that, I'm not really all that experienced with telling people when they've crossed the line from giving advice to forcing their opinion on me. I suppose that's a part of growing up that I really need to get on with. I've been thinking a lot about my attitude towards the wedding, and I've made some decisions.
I don't want to care that our venue's chairs are ugly. I do, a little, but I want to let go of that and see that everything else about the venue (more on what that venue is in a bit) is exactly what I want, and that chairs are not a major part of the day. In fact, most of the things that people seem to believe I must do or have are not a major part of the wedding. Save the dates? Not doing them. I don't have time, and everyone important already knows I'm getting married. Centerpieces? I'll put something together. Flowers? I'll buy a bunch of in season flowers wholesale, get my bridesmaids to help me put them in simple bouquets two days before the wedding, and let them sit in water. And if they wilt, I'll go to the craft store the morning of the wedding and carry silk ones. Whatever. Who cares? Maybe I'll even carry wilted flowers. No one will care a week afterward anyway. Food? There will be some. As long as there is enough for everyone, and it is passably tasty and does not give me food poisoning on my wedding night, everything will be fine.
I am not saying that I don't care about the details of my wedding. I am excited about DIY centerpieces, and decorations, and the lighting scheme Zack has thought up. I am dreaming about the pecan tree we'll be married under, with the lake in the background, and my dress (which is going to be AWESOME). But I refuse to stress about this. I will make sure everything is adequate, that invitations go out, that the food shows up, that there are enough chairs for people to sit in, that an officiate is hired. But in the end, what's important is that I will be married to Zack. That's it. That is what our wedding is about, and as long as we're married at the end of the day, nothing that goes wrong will be the end of the world. So why should I worry about it?
On the other hand.
I want this wedding to reflect who Zack and I are as individuals. We are not a cookie cutter bride and groom in long dress and tux on top of a three layer white cake. We're people. He wears orange tennis shoes and a fedora as often as possible, reads too many web comics, has the most intense bromance I've ever witnessed, and gets along with my friends better than I do sometimes. I want to dye my hair pink again, I like to sit around and write all day, I plan to travel to Europe. We've both got crazy style ideas, and like playing D&D. Why should who we are not be a part of our wedding? Why can't we play Queen and Pink Floyd and Zolof the Rock and Roll Destroyer at our reception? Why do we have to wear shoes? Why does our wedding have to follow a theme?
The answer is that we don't. We don't have to fit the mold. And we won't. Even if we try to, we won't. So I've decided that we don't need to try. (I say "I" decided because I think Zack realized this long before me.) Heels, no heels? Why not bare feet? And who cares if my dress looks like it stepped out of a fifties bridal magazine and Zack ends up in gray slacks and a white shirt and a bowler hat? We don't have to match. Our pictures will reflect our feelings for one another, and if our clothes aren't from the same era, no one will care. And anyone who does cares too much about appearances and not enough about us. Plus, we will look awesome anyway, and someone who can't see that just has too much normal fashion sense and not enough adventure.
My feelings on this are summed up by a quote from
Souris Mariage, who just decided to have Mexican food at her reception and left the rest up to her caterer:
"Because, really, who doesn't love Mexican food? The people who can go get a hamburger after the reception, that's who."
PS: What got me thinking about this right this minute was
THIS POST on craigslist. Hello, six hundred dollars to spend two days learning to plan a wedding? I don't think it would be a good idea even for someone who is a wedding planner by trade, but I can tell you right now that some brides will pay that much to learn how to just plan their own wedding. And that's just silly.
